Tag Archives: Me

Don’t Say Quitters Never Prosper

11 Apr

So it’s been over a year since I gave up on this blog. The plan was to do a blog post everyday for 365 days. I made it to 99. Which, to be honest with you all, is longer than I expected to last. In the end I was in a rough time of my life. All I did was work. And I obsessed about people knowing how much I was working and I focused on it to an almost breaking point. I cried a lot that year. I had virtually no friends, and nothing to look forward to. I was so lonely. I wouldn’t say I was clinically depressed, I would never assume to know what true depression feels like. But I would say that I was in a version of my own definition of depression. I was sad and lonely and afraid of life. I wanted things to happen to me but I didn’t want to do them. There was a war going on within me everyday. I would tell my self to buck up and then run into a corner and cry my eyes out for hours because I hated myself. I wanted to change. But I was terrified of change. You see how that can tear a person apart from the inside? Each post on here was a grasp at the idea of happiness, that my life had some weight to it. I was hopeful, but not mentally ready for any of it.

Since I quit this blog so much has happened. Surprisingly if i had kept this blog up you and I would have seen me transform into a different person. It didn’t happen right away I stayed in my black hole for many more months after the last post of this blog. So here’s a recap of what happened to me after this blog.

Work. Cry. Black hole. Work. Cry. Black hole.

I went to Europe for 2 months. 14 Countries, a Cruise. Great food. Pseudo-great company. Great memories.

I was highly liked by many friends we made there, boosting my self-confidence to slightly above self-loathing.

I came to the realization that I love to travel.

I became really good friends (I believe the term is BFFs) with a girl I work with.

we got tattoos together. It would be my first. I don’t have any more. Yet.

I got dangerously close to being in a relationship with someone I’ve had a crush on for years.

My friend forced me to join Tinder. I met a really great guy. He became my boyfriend.

I’m in love.

I got an iPhone 5s!

That’s about it. I’m still contemplating the future of this blog. But as I type these words I feel myself releasing something. I don’t know what it is about typing this post but it feels so comfortable to me. And I feel myself wanting to continue. So something will come of this. Just not sure what yet. I’d love to do a travel blog, but I don’t have the time off or the resources to travel often enough. But we’ll see, something will come of it. I have hopes, and optimism for once.

In the end 22 was a good year. And the day I turned 23 I asked the world (via Facebook) to give me an even better year at 23. Within the month I started talking to my boyfriend. 23 has already been a great year, and I have so much more in store.

I leave you with something I just created out of boredom, I took the photo in the background, its of The Amalfi Coast. I thought it was vaguely related to the subject of this post.

LM

A Rule I Need to Live By

A Rule I Need to Live By

P.S. This is officially my 100th Blog Post. Yay me. Took me long enough…

December 6th, 2012

7 Dec
PHOTO #93: Weirdo Me

PHOTO #93: Weirdo Me

So yea I was freaking out for a few minutes because I thought I may have forgotten to take a picture on this day. Turns out I took one weird picture. I was at work in the office, and I thought there was something wrong with my parting, so instead of going to the bathroom to check in a mirror, the lazy person that I am, I took a photo. Clearly my angling skills are not so great. But anyways, this is the photo that came of it.

I have nothing else to say about that. Other than look at my super long eyelashes! Or don’t…whatever…

Today was the first shift where it hasn’t been ridiculously busy straight through the day. There were quite a few moments where we all could just hang out and talk in the lobby without one guest around to overhear. Those are the moments I love. No stress, no running around, no responsibilities. The moment disappears quickly, but the fact that they even exist right now is all I need.

November 23rd, 2012

24 Nov

PHOTO #80: Weird Red Spots

Wow. I can’t believe I am on post 80! Never in a million years did I think I would make it this far. Though it’s less than a quarter of the year I hope to be doing this for, I feel as though I’ve been at it forever. It’s been fun. It’s had its boring days…many of them. Though I hope that it won’t continue like that for long. The point of this thing was to try and force myself to do fun and interesting things. So, I have failed at a bit so far. But I have high hopes for the future. I have a few plans circling in my brain.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a weird spot at the knuckle of my pointer finger and thought nothing of it really. Could have been a burn, or a little bruise, or just a reaction to something that hit my skin for a moment. The weird thing about it was that it was perfectly circular. But, I passed it off as coincidence. And forgot about it. A couple of days later it had disappeared. All’s well right? Wrong. Two more perfectly circular dots appeared on my other hand. I still thought the same thing, burn or reaction. And forgot about it again. Then there were some on my elbow, then my forearm. All stayed for a couple of days then disappeared. None were itchy or painful or anything really. Just suspicious. Now there’s these ones. I noticed them at work. They are not quite as circular or prominent as the others, but who knows how long they have been there. I had just noticed them. So, being the minor hypochondriac that I am I got a bit scared…and let me tell you: Searching symptoms of things online…

DOES.

NOT.

HELP.

It really just scared me more. So, while I was working this is all I can think about:

“What is it?”

“What is causing it?”

“Could it be really bad?”

“Am I just overreacting, or over analyzing?”

I can’t focus on anything else. Which is bad, because we’re in the middle of a rush. So I went over to my friend on Guest Services (near the box office) and talked to her about it. She told me that it’s probably stress related, if it were serious they probably wouldn’t be coming and going, and would be more prominent. Not that she’s an expert, but it calmed me for now. I am going to look at physical symptoms of stress build-up because I need to know. And if it continues, I might go to the doctor. I have been working a lot. And while I am at work there’s never any time to stop and relax. It’s been constant go go go, all the time these days. So, stress is definitely an option for the cause.

Hopefully it’s nothing.

I’m gonna go back to watching How I Met Your Mother now and try to forget about it.

November 21st, 2012

22 Nov

PHOTO #78: My New Shirt

This is my new favourite shirt. My friends mom gave it to me the other day as a super late birthday gift. And the second I saw it I was in love. I love lace, and cropped tops, and dusty pink, and beads, and sequins. So it’s everything I love all on one little shirt! I want to wear it everyday, and I can’t wait to try different outfits with it. I was kind of lazy with it today, so you don’t get to see the rest of the outfit.

Otherwise today was good. I was feeling completely refreshed from my day long nap yesterday. And am looking at things in a more positive perspective at work. Which is good. Because I was worried about my mood lately. It was going down a dark path that I know too well, and want to veer far far away from.

I feel like I got a lot accomplished today. Well I better have I worked for 12.75 hours…I helped out on VIP again, this time it got me 6 bucks for only a half an hour of work. Yay for free money. We got some new hires, so I got to see them at work. They seem pretty good to me. I’ll let you know though, I’ll give them a couple more days to really make an impression.

November 19th, 2012

22 Nov

PHOTO #76: Best Friends

So, I finally went out on Monday! Woohoo, my first time in over a month. I had a great time. We drank a lot…we talked a lot….and we cried a little. Yea. It’s hard not to bring up what you are most emotional about at the time when you’re most drunk.

I have known these two ladies since I was four years old. It’s going on nineteen years now! We’ve had our ups and downs. Treated each other not so greatly. But, in the end, we gravitate back together. It’s hard not to when there’s so much history there. We’ve been through life changing events together. Life, death, and everything in between. We went to the same elementary school (JK to 8) and the same highschool. I think we’ve stayed pretty close through all of it. I mean that’s a bond that really can’t be broken. There’s no way to forget 19 years of your life, really. We’ve helped each other through hard times, and supported one another’s decisions, no matter how wrong we may have thought they were.

I kind of want to do a before and after photo collage of us. Because I know there’s a picture of just the three of us when we’re around five or six, and I just spent a long time looking for it, with no luck. But I know it’s around somewhere. I think that would be a fun thing to see. How we’ve changed, and how we’ve stayed the same. So that’s one of my next craft ideas…we’ll see if I actually finish this one…

Accomplishment of the day: Going outside on my day off and having a social life!

November 17th, 2012

18 Nov

PHOTO #74: Black is the New Black

Just a quick one for today, mostly because I’m in a bad mood, because of work. But also because I’m tired, and have to get up early tomorrow.

So, my outfit mirrors what today was like. Boring, and dark, and monotonous. Same thing as the past couple of days. Money machine issues. Employee issues. What got me the most today was dishonesty, and double standards. Both of these things make me quite angry. And make my job harder to do. I don’t have a huge issue with smokers. I have never smoked myself, but that is just a personal choice. I have many friends who smoke and do not try to convince them to do otherwise. But, when employees are asking for special treatment because they need to take smoke-breaks, that’s where I draw the line. The guidelines for breaks where I work is one half-hour break mid shift. But, I have one employee who thinks they should be the only one that gets to take two breaks because of their habits. Why is this okay? If he gets to have special rules broken just for him why shouldn’t I allow the rest of the staff to do the same? They should just be able to disappear for ten minutes for absolutely no reason as well. Why should he be the only one allowed to do this? Anyways, I’m not going to get any further into it. I just don’t think it’s fair.

The reason I have to get up early tomorrow is that Amy, my sister, wants to go to Michael’s. It’s an awesome although expensive craft store. And since I have to work at five, and the store is far away, we have to leave the house quite early. I am so excited to go though. I think it will be just what I need to get a creative kick back into DIY-ing things. I have gotten out of the crafts again and really need to get back in. Hopefully tomorrow will fuel some inspiration.

November 15th, 2012

16 Nov

PHOTO #72: I Made A Sweater

Unfortunately due to how late I had to stay at work I was unable to get this post out on the right day :(. Thus breaking my streak. Oh well. I probably won’t be able to make it again until monday-ish anyway, as I’m closing all weekend.

I am having a hard time typing right now because my hands are frozen. You know when that happens? You feel like your motor skills are slow and your hands don’t work properly? That’s happening to me right now. I was standing outside waiting for a streetcar for about a half an hour in the cold. Yea, night time TTC not so good.

Anyways, this is the sweater I made for the day! I was bored after midnight but didn’t feel like going to bed, so I made it. It’s not the best angle to see the whole thing, but you can see the most important parts. I did it two-toned, so the back panel is this sheer stretchy fabric with a tie-dyed pattern on it. The front is just a grey stretchy fabric. It was quick and easy because I wasn’t bothering myself to be perfect on it. I barely used a pattern either. It’s funny because my sister asked me to make her one, but I won’t be able to make it look exactly the same because I just sort of guessed on where to cut it, and winged it the whole way through. But, I could always do that again. It makes it more of a one-of-a-kind. Either way, it turned out way better than I was expecting, so that makes me happy.